Tuesday, 4 June 2013


Moving house is stressful enough. Never mind throwing two very sensitive Egyptian gods into the mix. 

1) Make them feel part of the move. We built a "jungle gym" for cats out of boxes. Stack them up high. They will feel taller and more powerful than ever before. Little do they know we will be ripping their very world from under their pampered paws to the land of EAST 17. 

2) Moving day. Secure the cats in one room. Bedroom. Hiding under the duvet. Battle to get cat in carriers. Quite literally World War III. Transport cats to new location. Secure in bedroom. Open "cage." 

"Well... You think I'm getting out now? Oh you'd love that wouldn't you. No thankyou. I will wait here. Take me home" 

"This is home now."

"Excuse me? I don't understand what you just said."

We battle like this for a while and I decide its best to let them stew. They will come round. After all this new kingdom is larger, more to reign over and all that. 

3) Cats find secret location in bedroom. 11pm. We turn off lights. Oh right, NOW would be a fucking fantastic time for you to come out and go shit crazy. Like a cat version of the matrix. 

4) No sleep. Cats hate me. Back into hiding. WHY did we move again? 

"Come on. Just eat SOMETHING."

"No thanks. I'm not really hungry. I think I will just STARVE... You won't mind. You didn't seem to think it necessary to inform me of a change of address so I'm sure you won't miss me when I'm gone"

We leave the house and return to empty bowls.

"Oh good. You ate something..."

"Me? No. I'm not eating remember."

"Oh. Where did your food go then?"

"Can't help you."

5) Night two. We are still filming the matrix. Tomorrow they are being forced to explore at least the hallway. 

"Yes there is indeed more to the new home than this bedroom"

6) Coax felines out of bedroom with toys treats and trickery. Shut bedroom door behind them. Now they have to get used to the longest hall way ever. 

7) New hiding place under a cupboard. 

"Now remember Alabama... We have a pact. You always break. We have to stay strong. It's harder to break us in force, in numbers" 

"Yes. Definitely"

"Hello miaows. Don't be shy! Come out! I've got your favourite crack for cats treat!"

"Shit Clarence! What do I do?"

"Ignore Alabama. It's bribery"

"I can't do it. I want the treats"


Day four. They are loving the place. Albeit a little nervous but they are doing very well indeed. Well done guys. Claps all round. 

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